Tampa Bay Food Monster

...eating food since 1985.

BGR The Burger Joint

so burgers, eh? burgers be BLOWIN UP! everywhere. all over the place. everybody seems to think that just because they use real beef rather than the dehydrated dog turds that many fast food restaurants rely on (an entirely fair and researched accusation), they are the burger champs. five guys? burger 21? delicious, delicious burger monger?? WHAT A BUNCH OF JERKS. i mean, come on guys, get with the program –.. Read More

EATS! American Grill

  EATS. AMERICA. GRILLS.   all the best stuff, packed into one place. that place? eats! american grill. it’s like uncle sam got stoned, wrote down all the food he craved, and passed out. then his sneaky nephew, america itself, went through his star spangled trousers, swiped the list and a wad of dough, and made a restaurant with it. this is that restaurant. eats! resides on south dale mabry,.. Read More

Smoothie King Gladiator

in spite of anything you might know about me gleaned from these reviews, my one and only dream in life is to become SUPER BUFF. i want to get ripped. there’s nothing more impressive than a burly meat-sack full of rippling muscles. i know it, you know it, macho man randy savage knows it: [youtube=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Igui65gY5M”] this message has been pounded into me by every cool dude i interacted with in.. Read More

Sour Patch Kids Berries

when i was young, we would go on vacation to my grandmother’s house in chautauqua, which means “place of easy death” (it seriously does… which answers a lot of childhood questions). in the nearby town of BUSTI, there was a small little candy shoppe with gigantic candy canes as columns. that place was called peterson’s corn crib candies. IT WAS A MAGICAL PLACE. it was a magical time. nothing is.. Read More

Taco Bell’s Cantina Bell Burrito

OHHH TACO BELL YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN! bouncing straight off the wild popularity of your wildly mediocre doritos locos tacos, you’ve done a complete 180 and gone for the jugular of gourmet food. it works perfectly, because whenever i think “taco bell”, i immediately think “gourmet violent explosive diarrhea”. let’s see if they can expand that special flavor of gourmet directly into their food! this is the cantina bell menu… Read More