Tampa Bay Food Monster

...eating food since 1985.

Taco Bell’s Cantina Bell Burrito

OHHH TACO BELL YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN! bouncing straight off the wild popularity of your wildly mediocre doritos locos tacos, you’ve done a complete 180 and gone for the jugular of gourmet food. it works perfectly, because whenever i think “taco bell”, i immediately think “gourmet violent explosive diarrhea”. let’s see if they can expand that special flavor of gourmet directly into their food! this is the cantina bell menu… Read More

USF Taco Bus

the taco bus thinks he’s so cool, doesn’t he? well, he’s not. he is a SELL OUT! i mean come on, a little taste of national recognition, and it all goes to his head. now, there are FOUR LOCATIONS, the most recent of which cannibalized its own sister store, taqueria monterrey. now everybody can enjoy delicious tacos, prepared the same way in four different places across tampa. and what does.. Read More

Dunkin’ Donuts Men in Black Promotional Goodies: Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee, Undercover Black Cocoa Donut, and Chocolate Lunarmax Donut

now daddy this is a very sensitive subject… i recommend playing that through your entire reading of this review. it will allow you a higher appreciation of the products listed below, as well as life itself. i was given a cordial invitation to sample various goods released by dr. dunkin’ d. donuts himself, william d. “dunkin’ d. donuts” smith. in fact, i think he invented them himself. is there anything.. Read More

Taco Bell’s XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito

oh ho! another exciting new concept from my fast food favorite/most deadly addiction, taco bell. god how i hate you, taco bell. i loathe thee. yet still… i need you. i need you inside me. SO this time around, taco bell has turned their ordinary grilled stuft burrito, deemed “too damned tiny” by hungry millions, into a gigantic monstrosity the size of your forearm. but, unlike the relative failure that.. Read More

Indian Flatbread and Sadie’s of New Mexico

okay, look – i’ve been BUSY, alright?? get off my goddamn back about it!! we all have lives, okay, and sometimes that real shit gets in the way all the other bullshit we just loooove to do. get it? GET IT?!?! oh god, okay, don’t… don’t cry. come on. buck up. i didn’t mean to yell. i just… i got a lot on my plate right now. but i care,.. Read More