“GIMME A TASTE OF YO’ SWEETIE”
yes, this is the clever marketing campaign of the new sweetie apple, brought to you by the fine folks at first fruits, makers of the excellent opal apple i reviewed earlier this year. or, at least it would be, if they chose me as their new PR dude/ad man (i’m right here guys, ready and waiting). here are a couple more potential advertisements right off the top of my head:
“no more crapple in your apple!”
“cram this sweetie in your pie”
“bob for this!” *points to crotch*
yeah, i know, i’m a genius. send me an email and i’ll work for you.
so no, they don’t really have any awesome ad campaigns like this out there yet, and that’s why they sent me some of these apples – so i can spread the gospel for them.
here we are. this is the sweetie apple. she is beautiful, born from the forbidden union of the gala and the braeburn apples, and borrowing key aspects from each. they are fairly solid, and i’d say throwing one at someone’s face would result in a hard hit rather than explosion, unless that person had a soft skull, in which case there may be an explosion anyway. i believe this is the truest test of an apple.
so this guy is called a sweetie, but honestly that is not the name i would go with (unless they mean sweet with regards to disposition, which i guess fits but i mean come on who’s ever heard of a sour apple oh i just got that). that is to say this isn’t the sweetest apple i’ve ever stuck in my gob, so the name is a bit misleading. the problem here being i am an american, and i enjoy things sweet. fruit, as i see it, is merely a candy substitute for when the doctor finally tells me i have diabetes, so having an apple that is not as sweet as, say, a bag of sugar is not something i really need to waste my time on. that being said, this is still a pretty good apple despite its less-than-teeth-rotting sweetness.
the flavor actually is a bit sweet, but nothing like the opal apple was, and it fades into an almost lightly spicy finish, which is really nice. that leads me to believe that this apple would be great for a pie, or any situation that might need a balance for sweetness (caramelized fried apples, perhaps). these guys are fairly crisp and quite juicy, all held together by a skin that is not super tough, but thicker than some, which hopefully will help it deal when i say it’s good, but not my favorite apple ever.
“eatie a sweetie!”
GOD HOW AM I NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS??