okay. so i went a little crazy for thanksgiving. what began as a challenge to myself to see how much i could eat in one day concluded itself in a symphony of physical anguish and mental collapse. i awoke at the crack of dawn on got straight to work, soloing my way through a tray of stuffing, half a casserole dish of green bean casserole, seven pounds of mashed potatoes,.. Read More
why it’s my old friend burger king! how are you old friend? any new burgers lately? what’s that? you’ve STOLEN THE BIG MAC??? oh, burger king! wellllllllll it looks like burger king is up to its old tricks again! after the king himself snuck into mcdonald’s headquarters, stole their secret recipe for egg mcmuffins, and then made a commercial about it, now it looks like he’s gone after mcdonald’s crown.. Read More
sure, everyone’s been to the columbia restaurant. i’m sure you’ve been. yeah, you. just look at that smug look on your ugly face. think you’re special? well you’re not. you ain’t shit. that is, until you’ve been given an exclusive private tour of the columbia by a fourth generation columbia family member, after being driven there in a tight-azz limousine. …and by ‘tight-azz limousine’, i mean limo/bus hybrid, and by.. Read More
hot dogs, dude. hot dogs. nature’s perfect food? probably. tube o’ meat, stuck in bread. phallic. hilarious. hot dogs always mean a good time. but, dear god, WHY do they have to be relegated to sporting events, backyard barbecues, and street vendors?? why can’t i go to a classy establishment, three piece suit and top hat, and order myself a nice chili dog? who makes these damn rules?? well, in.. Read More
remember that movie the perfect storm? there was this boat in the center of the ocean, and all of a sudden a hurricane, a tornado, a monsoon, a tsunami, an earthquake, and el niño all struck at once. everybody started puking and dying. yeah, that’s pretty much what this is here. get yo ass ready. recently, i noticed that taco bell was featuring their delightful chicken flatbread sandwiches at the.. Read More