Tampa Bay Food Monster

...eating food since 1985.

The Sweetie Apple

“GIMME A TASTE OF YO’ SWEETIE” yes, this is the clever marketing campaign of the new sweetie apple, brought to you by the fine folks at first fruits, makers of the excellent opal apple i reviewed earlier this year. or, at least it would be, if they chose me as their new PR dude/ad man (i’m right here guys, ready and waiting). here are a couple more potential advertisements right.. Read More

Island Girl Cakes Lava Red Velvet Cake Pops

all food, in theory, is better when served on a stick. corn dogs? better than un-corn dogs. stuff on a stick? better than stuff not on a stick. khlav kalash?? i don’t think it even exists off a stick. in fact, science has proven that the only form of food conveyance better than on-stick is on-ring. and onion ring. mmm… onion ring. the island girl from island girl cakes (she.. Read More

Dunkin’ Donuts Men in Black Promotional Goodies: Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee, Undercover Black Cocoa Donut, and Chocolate Lunarmax Donut

now daddy this is a very sensitive subject… i recommend playing that through your entire reading of this review. it will allow you a higher appreciation of the products listed below, as well as life itself. i was given a cordial invitation to sample various goods released by dr. dunkin’ d. donuts himself, william d. “dunkin’ d. donuts” smith. in fact, i think he invented them himself. is there anything.. Read More

Aunt Marie’s Gourmet Kettle Baked Popcorn

yeahhhhh okay! okay bloggin’. I BE BLOGGIN’! seriously. POPCORN. yeah. that stuff. and no, i’m not talking that freshly-churned butter-fucked popcorn doled out in buckets by movie pushers all across this angry america of ours, no sir (or ma’am, depending on genitalia); i’m talking that off-the-shelf, ready-made, popped-at-some-distant-location-packed-in-a-container-and-shipped-to-you shit. oh yeah. like you get at k-mart for the holidays. but this ain’t yo grandad’s popped corn!! …it’s your aunt’s. aww.. Read More

The Opal Apple

SO IF THERE’S ONE THING the food monster loves, it’s apples. apples. i’m a pretty healthy guy, you know? if i’m ever in the mood for a quick snack, or something sweet, i just pick up an apple. and then i eat that apple. with my mouth. MMM BOY. healthy. i guess first fruits of washington caught wind of my obsession with the fruit, because they offered to ship me.. Read More