Tampa Bay Food Monster

...eating food since 1985.

Smoothie King Gladiator

in spite of anything you might know about me gleaned from these reviews, my one and only dream in life is to become SUPER BUFF. i want to get ripped. there’s nothing more impressive than a burly meat-sack full of rippling muscles. i know it, you know it, macho man randy savage knows it: this message has been pounded into me by every cool dude i interacted with in middle.. Read More

Drink Chia

ohhh superfoods… that ill-defined category of edibles shouting into your fat face “PUT ME IN YOUR DISGUSTING BODY!!!” it’s like your middle school gym teacher all over again. traumatic. superfoods come in all forms: fruits… and other things that grow from the ground. and the health benefits! why, consuming just one superfood a day will make you famous and get you a sexy dance partner! TRUST ME, i’ve done it… Read More

Chateau Ste. Michelle’s Riesling Wines

ohhhhhohohohohohoh HO now! send me wine! PLEASE DO SEND ME WINE. what an amazing gift! chateau ste. michelle contacted me and asked if i’d be interested in trying some of their fine wines. why yes. yes, i think i would enjoy that. to come home to a box containing three (3) bottles of different types of riesling, the most beautiful of the white wines… this is happiness. but then LOATH.. Read More

Dunkin’ Donuts Men in Black Promotional Goodies: Black Cocoa Creme Iced Coffee, Undercover Black Cocoa Donut, and Chocolate Lunarmax Donut

now daddy this is a very sensitive subject… i recommend playing that through your entire reading of this review. it will allow you a higher appreciation of the products listed below, as well as life itself. i was given a cordial invitation to sample various goods released by dr. dunkin’ d. donuts himself, william d. “dunkin’ d. donuts” smith. in fact, i think he invented them himself. is there anything.. Read More


THE SODAS OF SUBS-N-SUCH …regarding orangina – wtf? this thing… this thing is a mystery to me. it’s got so much going on. there’s a lot to sort through on this one. where to begin?? let’s start at the top. literally, the top. the cap. the first thing you’ll notice about orangina is that it’s in a badass glass bottle, necessitating a badass cap. they feature a twist-off cap on.. Read More