ohhhhhohohohohohoh HO now! send me wine! PLEASE DO SEND ME WINE. what an amazing gift! chateau ste. michelle contacted me and asked if i’d be interested in trying some of their fine wines. why yes. yes, i think i would enjoy that. to come home to a box containing three (3) bottles of different types of riesling, the most beautiful of the white wines… this is happiness. but then LOATH.. Read More
Aunt Marie’s Gourmet Kettle Baked Popcorn
yeahhhhh okay! okay bloggin’. I BE BLOGGIN’! seriously. POPCORN. yeah. that stuff. and no, i’m not talking that freshly-churned butter-fucked popcorn doled out in buckets by movie pushers all across this angry america of ours, no sir (or ma’am, depending on genitalia); i’m talking that off-the-shelf, ready-made, popped-at-some-distant-location-packed-in-a-container-and-shipped-to-you shit. oh yeah. like you get at k-mart for the holidays. but this ain’t yo grandad’s popped corn!! …it’s your aunt’s. aww.. Read More
The Opal Apple
SO IF THERE’S ONE THING the food monster loves, it’s apples. apples. i’m a pretty healthy guy, you know? if i’m ever in the mood for a quick snack, or something sweet, i just pick up an apple. and then i eat that apple. with my mouth. MMM BOY. healthy. i guess first fruits of washington caught wind of my obsession with the fruit, because they offered to ship me.. Read More
Bubble Up
THE SODAS OF SUBS-N-SUCH do you remember back in the day, long before the lemon lime soda wars ended in the bloody death of 7-up, back when these sodas were a clear, crisp miracle for your taste buds? back when they truly were the un-cola? remember this little fucker: oh snap. that guy’s ready to mess shit up. and surf. you know, i never really got these abstract company mascots.. Read More
Calpico
“wtf is this shit??” yeah. i understand. it’s strange. it’s different. it’s foreign. so you’re scared! i get it. i was too. we’ve all been there. but life is about experiencing new things. stuff you’re not used to! and sometimes new and different takes the form of an opaque, milky, uncarbonated soft drink. ew. it’s called calpico. it’s japanese. and IT’S NOT BAD! i enjoy this wacky drink. it’s light.. Read More