i think it goes without saying, but angry birds is, without a doubt, the single greatest video game ever developed. i mean, come on! the characters! the story! the diversity in gameplay! and they’re just so darn cute! yes, angry birds is truly the gamer’s game. and in response to the public’s ravenous consumption of all things angry and bird-like, a phenomenon known as birdmania or bird-man fever, angry birds.. Read More
Aunt Marie’s Gourmet Kettle Baked Popcorn
yeahhhhh okay! okay bloggin’. I BE BLOGGIN’! seriously. POPCORN. yeah. that stuff. and no, i’m not talking that freshly-churned butter-fucked popcorn doled out in buckets by movie pushers all across this angry america of ours, no sir (or ma’am, depending on genitalia); i’m talking that off-the-shelf, ready-made, popped-at-some-distant-location-packed-in-a-container-and-shipped-to-you shit. oh yeah. like you get at k-mart for the holidays. but this ain’t yo grandad’s popped corn!! …it’s your aunt’s. aww.. Read More
Burger King’s NEW French Fries
okay. so i went a little crazy for thanksgiving. what began as a challenge to myself to see how much i could eat in one day concluded itself in a symphony of physical anguish and mental collapse. i awoke at the crack of dawn on got straight to work, soloing my way through a tray of stuffing, half a casserole dish of green bean casserole, seven pounds of mashed potatoes,.. Read More
Burger King’s Deluxe Cheeseburger
why it’s my old friend burger king! how are you old friend? any new burgers lately? what’s that? you’ve STOLEN THE BIG MAC??? oh, burger king! wellllllllll it looks like burger king is up to its old tricks again! after the king himself snuck into mcdonald’s headquarters, stole their secret recipe for egg mcmuffins, and then made a commercial about it, now it looks like he’s gone after mcdonald’s crown.. Read More
Five Star Pizza
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME SHITTY PIZZA?? welcome to college, idiot. population: everyone. are you ready to not have any money, and eat what is basically the taste equivalent of dirt? you’d better be. because every night, for the rest of your college career, this will be your dinner: wow! five stars? that’s a lot of stars! like, all of ’em, right? all the stars? listen. lemme level with you.. Read More