Tampa Bay Food Monster

veterans day is my favorite holiday. it’s just the best. of course, i actively celebrate veterans day, unlike most people i know. unlike all people i know, actually, except one. in fact, my friend and i may be the only two people in the world who really celebrate veterans day.

oh and before i get too much further, this has nothing to do with veterans. except maybe veterans of veterans day.

it all started in fall of 2003. i had just started my first semester of college, and we were pretty far into it. i was in the middle of work for some final projects in a few classes, and i was getting burnt out. actually, i was always kinda burnt out… not a big fan of work. so when i noticed that we had the day off for veterans day, i was more than happy to take full advantage of the fact. i called my friend who also happened to have the day off, and we resigned ourselves to hang out.

and hang out we did.

we had no plan. we just got together and drove. away from the real world. to anywhere but there. we drove up florida, stopping when and where we wanted, whenever the mood struck us. we started north. we drove through gainesville. we drove over the st. john’s river. we ended up in jacksonville, hung around downtown a bit, and then went to neptune beach, grabbed some pizza, and walked on the beach. then we bought some techno cds and blasted them as we drove back home on i4, and ended our day. exactly 560 miles of freedom.

we decided then that each year we would take veterans day off, and just do whatever we wanted. follow our hearts, and just enjoy ourselves, totally free of obligation and worry. live in the moment, and take joy in the simple things. it was no longer veterans day – it was the vet.

we’ve done it each year since. no year is quite the same, some are more magical than others, but each is a unique experience and a reminder that life can sometimes be worth living. this year was no different.

we wound up in sanford, northeast of orlando. there we searched for someplace interesting to eat. we had consulted urbanspoon, and searched endlessly for the fabled burger bar. when we couldn’t find that, we hunted down riverwalk pizzeria, which we found, but was closed. disappointing. we were near the downtown area, and decided to check out hollerbach’s willow tree cafe, which tops the list of best restaurants in sanford. we got out of the car and found many people standing around the restaurant… which turned out to be closed.

god dammit.

but we asked a local dude if anywhere around downtown was still open, and he recommended two places: two blondes and a shrimp, and the black swan. when asked which he preferred, he stated “when you get to the turn for the black swan, flip a coin.” so of course we had to do this.

and so…

it was the black swan by a tail. it turns out the black swan is pretty much just a bar. with karaoke. and crappy bar food! i looked over the menu and ordered the “drunken chicken” with buffalo sauce (they offered a variety of different sauces, including teriyaki and garlic), along with a “corn banger”(???) and a celebration ale. i was in for some surprises.

while we waited for our food, we drank some beer and i arm wrestled a couple old ladies. after i was swiftly beaten, i was informed to “never show weakness to a woman.” apparently it is a turn-off. note taken, scary drunken woman.

so the food came out, and i was a bit shocked to receive this:

this is the drunken chicken. based on the assortment of sauces, i had foolishly assumed the drunken chicken was chicken wings. instead, it was a whole bunch of fried legs and thighs, drenched in sauce. wow. i tackled it, and i was not too impressed. the chicken was dry, despite all the crappy store-bought wing sauce (crystal?). it was somewhat well fried, though; it had that homemade fried chicken taste. its saving grace was that there was a shitload of it, for 7 bucks. not bad. but not good.

annnd the corn banger. i had no idea what i was in for when i ordered it, i was just curious. it was basically a corn dog, with sausage instead of a hot dog (thus: “corn banger”). and it was strange as hell. the batter they used was a beer batter with actual pieces of corn in it, and i believe diced peppers as well; it was sweet and quite good. the sausage inside was very mild in flavor, but about your average sausage for taste. there was no spiciness to it, which i would have liked. but the combination of the two flavors, the sweet corn batter and the light sausage… it just freaked me out. i can’t explain it. it was good, but… just very different. i would eat one again, though.

i would not, however, return to the black swan. it really was just a pub, with pub food. nothing special. it was not hell, though the shame i felt when i was bested by that drunken grandma sure was.

PS: i slept with the grandma.