Tampa Bay Food Monster

Vodka & Lemonade | Piña Colada | Strawberry Daiquiri | Mudslide

i was recently asked to review the new freeze & shake cocktails, from the makers of smirnoff, captain morgan, baileys, and guinness (just to name a few brands). i will review all of the freeze and shake frozen cocktails over the course of this four part series, and, in doing so, i will get trashed.

the third frozen cocktail drink thing i tried from the set is the strawberry daiquiri. ahhh strawberry daiquiris… a drink fit for a bitch! and i love me a bitch drink. seriously. what could be better? it’s like having candy, AND getting drunk! candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker? go to hell, ogden nash!! now we can have both. and you thought you were so clever.

i let this one thaw out for a long time, as i’ve been keeping these things in a chest freezer that may be designed to stay colder than a standard refrigerator/freezer combination deal. by the time i got to it, it was smooth all the way through. a bit too smooth, mayhaps? mayhaps not! it poured well into the glasses, but retained a certain freezy/frozone quality that you expect in a frozen drink. in fact, this was probably the ideal consistency for these things. totally drinkable, but still icy. nicey.

the frozen strawberry daiquiri made use of the same rum as the piña colada, which is alright rum. not the best. mercifully, this time around, the blend of alcohol and “taste-juices” was perfect, resulting in a cocktail that was completely tolerable. yes! so the “final solution” is waiting for these things to defrost, or not freezing them to the point of solidity. take note of that.

as i said before, i like strawberry daiquiris. it’s a fun drink! this, however, was no strawberry daiquiri. unlike the other frozen cocktails, this one had so little flavor, all you were really tasting was the rum. it was balanced, as i said, so it wasn’t overpowering; this was the easiest to drink of all the cocktails as far as alcohol was concerned. but the strawberry was practically non-existent here! it didn’t taste like much of anything at all. so instead of the flavoring taking a back seat to the alcohol as before, this time it was like they didn’t even bother putting the flavoring in at all. lame. completely lame. good thing i like rum, or else this would have been a total waste.

in spite of the daiquiri’s disappointing lack of flavor, i proceeded to down to whole shaker, became belligerent, danced, then passed out. when i came to, i found the majority of my valuables destroyed, and my bed on fire. the freeze and shake cocktail had done its job… but at what cost?

Ogden Nash
1902-1971

“The bronx? No thonx.”

ALSO… if you happened to be wondering where you can purchase these wild wacky frozen cocktails, their website now has a store locator through which you can find the answers you seek.