there are like a billion pizza places living around where i live (hyde park). i’m pretty sure it’s like a billion. and, as with snowflakes, each one is more unique than the last. and i love pizza! so by all rights, this blog should have turned into a pizza blog. it would be called “pizza adventures, by the food monster”. yet this has not come to pass. let us remedy.. Read More
Wok N Roll Chinese Food
OH YES it’s the dirty world of chinese takeout! greasy, fried, MSG-laden, asian-styled food based off of bastardized recipes copied and pasted so many times over that it seems there may in fact be a portal going from the entrance of every takeout chinese restaurant to the same gross, sweaty kitchen. why do they exist in such numbers? why do they have to have such stupid names (happy wok, golden.. Read More
Burger King’s NEW French Fries
okay. so i went a little crazy for thanksgiving. what began as a challenge to myself to see how much i could eat in one day concluded itself in a symphony of physical anguish and mental collapse. i awoke at the crack of dawn on got straight to work, soloing my way through a tray of stuffing, half a casserole dish of green bean casserole, seven pounds of mashed potatoes,.. Read More
Burger King’s Deluxe Cheeseburger
why it’s my old friend burger king! how are you old friend? any new burgers lately? what’s that? you’ve STOLEN THE BIG MAC??? oh, burger king! wellllllllll it looks like burger king is up to its old tricks again! after the king himself snuck into mcdonald’s headquarters, stole their secret recipe for egg mcmuffins, and then made a commercial about it, now it looks like he’s gone after mcdonald’s crown.. Read More
Five Star Pizza
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME SHITTY PIZZA?? welcome to college, idiot. population: everyone. are you ready to not have any money, and eat what is basically the taste equivalent of dirt? you’d better be. because every night, for the rest of your college career, this will be your dinner: wow! five stars? that’s a lot of stars! like, all of ’em, right? all the stars? listen. lemme level with you.. Read More